Friday, November 26, 2010

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Bow, bitchezz.

I have recently come to the conclusion that I would rather just get an internship at Amnesty International and start saving the world, rather then go to university. Why waste time. Applied yesterday. Letxx seeeee naoo.

A part of me just wants to leave it up to, I don't know, fate? If I get the AI internship I'll take it. If I get into The Right University (The New School- New York? I'm SO fickle I should just DIE) I'll go there. Which ever offer comes first, maybe.

Right now I need a break, and six months in London.

Sunday, November 21, 2010


Everybody's getting offers and going to the beach.

I don't care about what I said before, right now IWANTTOBEPARTOFEVERYBODY.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

What's on your mind?

- Is cigarette smoke supposed to make you hungry?

- The common app. is a bigger bitch than the UCAS. Do I want to see my recommendations after I've graduated, or not?

- Oscar Wilde is my hero. Why does NO ONE get that?

- I have 15 days to finish writing on why He's my hero. 10 to be on the safe side.

- Today's Halloween. I miss Trick-or-treating. Home is where the snow is.

- I also miss CLG.

- I just told my brother my plans for Pakistan. He called them a 'death wish' and said it was nice knowing me.

- Maybe my essay should be on that.

- I'm an awful friend. I was supposed to call two people last night, with my 'Uth' package. (BECAUSE I AM UTH- HAFSA ARE YOU READING THIS?)

- Jizz face. (Hafsa seriously, are you reading this?)

Today's Sunday. Which means SUNDAY BAZARRR. Yay. Some happiness.

Friday, October 29, 2010

See? SEE? THIS is why Hampsire would be PERFECT for me.

Also, haha Love Harry Potter? You should love this!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Several Species Of Large Angry Sharks Gathered Together In A Tank And Dancing With A Pict

I complain too much.

I constantly complain about the people around me, about how very very, stupid they are and how their 'not thinking, just doing' doesn't bother them. About how they don't really have an 'Aim' in life, because they're okay with whatever. Because in my book, if you're happy with the mediocre, you're a fail.

I also am always complaining about the the unfair (also illegal, if you're interested) policies of SharkTank Pvt. Ltd. About the hardcore capitalism they're all about and how they need to stop making everything so complicated. I wonder if this is slander. Because if it is, I'll get expelled for it. Read that in the handbook just today.

I was reading this book I borrowed from a friend, Journey to A Revolution. It's all about the Hungarian Revolution and it starts with how the Hungarians were tired of being Russia's bitch. How they they were tired of methodically having every form of self expression stifled and having every individual impulse suppressed. Reminds me of
someplace where it's absolutely imperative everyone has the same cellphone network. Just saying.

So here's the thing. I'm not going to complain anymore. Not just not out loud, but really, not at all. I'm going to make the most of this. I loved SharkTank Pvt. Ltd. last year because it helped me learn. I have some of the coolest teachers ever, and I'm going to spend the rest of this year learning from them, as much as I can.

I have this need to know. No, not about who your boyfriend's sister's best friend's class mate is going out with, but about The World. People. Religions. Cultures. Books. Old Movies and new Ideas.

Okay, wow. I just reread that and it sounds reallyyy pretentious. I wonder who actually bothers to read this, I'm sorry, my life is neither quaint nor humorous, and nothing ever happens that is even remotely anecdotal.

Also, if you get the title, you have GREAT taste in music.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Whattay fail I are.

I'm here. Just sitting. While everyone else is SATing.

This is going to come back and haunt me.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Look what came in the mail!!

Do you remember this? The part where I mention how Mount Holyoke College, South Hadley Massachusetts is my Plan A.
My first choice college?
Where I'd major in (not politics anymore, that'll be my minor now. I'm fickle like that)- get this - MEDIEVAL STUDIES. Yes, it IS every bit as cool as it sounds.


As one of my friends likes to say, HARTT-FRICKING-ATTACKKK.

I can't tell you guys what it says. I'm afraid that'll jinx it. I'm ajeeb like that :( But I really really REALLY hope I get to go there. Fingers crossed

Good luck for your university applications, those of you that are applying this year. :)


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Overheard in the school washroom..

Random A1-1: You have so much make up on, you look like a slut.
Random A1-2: Bitch.
Random A1-1: No, slut.

lewl -_-

I think, I'm going to hate attending class with these kids.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Vote for me, OKAY?!

This is probably wrong but I don't care. I like to win. And I like free food even more.

I'm Voting for Saleeha because she's so nice. :D

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I think I've finally pulled a Harry Potter.

Not the becoming a Wizard and going off to Hogwarts, but the living in a cupboard and having no friends bit.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


My Birthdayy todaayy! :D And It was pretty awesome.

I have my Law class right after my Literature most days I have to run from the second floor down to the ground as soon as the bell goes off in order to not be late. Today I had to stay back and talk to my Lit teach for a couple minutes and once I got down to the main lobby I just had to slow down and stare at the Prospective-A1s (they seem so excited, it's sad =/). So when I saw my teach entering the class I made a mad dash to get in there before the door closed. This is getting boring. haha

ANYWAY, my point is that as soon as I entered everybody started singing Happy Birthday. I know it's juvenile but I just made me so happy. I stood at the entrance all shocked for a minute with this huge grin plastered on my face. I probably looked like a bit of an idiot, in retrospective but at that point I didn't really care.

Whatever this is a stupid story. After iskewllzz I went to ma best bud CLG's placee and threw maselff a suprizee partayy.. haha No. Actually, CLG planned on throwing me a surprise party but I'm soo cool I found out. So I helped bake my cakee.

Gotta love.

Saturday, August 14, 2010


I have to go to school. Soon. To talk to the 'Dean'. CLG is sleeping besides me right now. For those of you know know her, head on over to her blog and ask her to come with me. She's refusing to waisay. :(




Thursday, August 12, 2010



Bye bye History.

And maybe, hopefully, the shark tank. -_-

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Good Day.

Good Day today. For those of you who were wondering, 'Tere Bin Laden' is a fail.

Now lets just hope tomorrow's a good day too.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Alex Day! :D

Okay this guy is one of my favorite YouTube-ers of all time. Second only to Shane Dawson. The guy who knows how to blow your mind. haha

I absolutely LOVE the Alex Read's Twilight series. I've never been a fan of the books and seeing it read out by him is hilarious! And the accent, makes it even better. Because really, who doesn't like British accents?

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Weak woman is an oxymoron. Where as a weak man is just simply a moron.
- Mrs. Zeenat Farookee

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Kiss My Converse.

I saw this movie yesterday, The Last Dragon. Usmay there's this scene when this guy asks the other guy to fight him. The other guy says something about not wishing to fight him. And some other shit happens. Anyway The-Bad-Guy then snaps his finger, points to his feet and says 'Kiss My Converse.' The-Good-Guy apparently thinks it's okay to kiss people's shoes cuz he concedes. However before he can get a good smooch of The-Bad-Guy's Chuck Taylors, he delivers a kick to The-Good-Guy’s mouth instead, knocking him on his behind.

Lesson of this story, it's never okay to kiss somebody's shoes. Ever. =/

Anyway. I don't want to go back to school. I just don't. I'm tired and annoyed and pissed and just don't want this anymore. I loved my school last year but (according to me, at least) it's becoming such a greedy bitch and that's making me mad-er. I'm tired of all the Shark-Love.

But I have to go to school. If I ever want to get into

Mount Holyoke College, South Hadley Massachusetts. Where I'd study Politics and then go to Law School. At Dartmouth. Or not. haha That's plan A. That's what would happen in an ideal world. Of course nothing of the sort happens to be. For which I have Plan B. seedha Law School at LUMS. And if even that doesn't work out then Plan C. Kinnaird College or Forman Christian College for Literature or Political Science and then Law School again.

All my plans end with Law School. Is that sad? Matlab how I have no other, lets call it, options?

There is of course a Plan D, if all else fails. That's taking a gap year. Getting a job, or traveling around the world. Alone. Or with people who's company I'd enjoy. Not family, much as I love them, never family. Or I could just get a job. I know at least one place that'd hire me.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Oh, and Heaven would be a million rupees, Sunday Bazaar and me.
This year's going to be awful.

Just saying.

'Being a hard-core feminist at heart who dreams of being independent , it is hard for em to digest the sacrificing eastern-girl attitude adopted by some of the girls I unfortunately know.

"Oh we know our future is a husband and three kids so why dream of having a job and living alone?" said one individual leaving me gaping at her with my mouth half-open.

Given one such individual or even thirteen like her and a peaceful room I could argue their brains out and make them think like me but it is rather annoying when they shoot u with a you're-just-a-kid-and-you'll-start-thinking-like-us-soon look and smirk at you. Ugh and the best I can do then , is say OK fine be like this. Act like those illiterate village women who bear cricket teams after cricket teams and have no purpose in life. See if I care.

I mean puh-leez. Even if you know for sure that your future is going to be the husband and kids at the age of 19, you can at least broaden your minds. You can at least aspire, hope, dream and not act stupid and think of which designer you're going to get your bridal dress made from.'

I miss A. M. She was just really cool.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Imma b famuzz. :D


That was fun.

More later.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Gone With The Wind. Again.

Every summer, for four years now, I take out my 1942 (it belonged to my mother's uncle) copy of Gone With The Wind and read all 1037 pages of it.

It's an epic tale of a woman's life during one of the most tumultuous periods in America's history. From her young, innocent days on a feudalistic plantation to the war-torn streets of Atlanta; from her first love whom she has always desired to three husbands; from the utmost luxury to absolute starvation and poverty; from her innocence to her understanding and comprehension of life.

Best book ever?

I think so.

Saturday, July 3, 2010


I'm finally home. My summer has so far been, well, pretty wonderful. :D

From awesome proms, first ever sleepovers, promises of Lahore and the parents's skipping town; this summer was, at the very least, eventful.

Oh and I got a a haircut. haha Which is really no big deal for most people, but I went from:


Yeah. Imagine my surprise when I looked up and saw what the hairdresser had done. But whatever. It'll grow back. And it doesn't look too awful.

Moving on. I planned to go to Lahore with CLG last week. Hasn't happened yet.

I asked my dad and he was all okay with it. I was supposed to leave on the 1st. But on the 228th I was at my aunt's place and learnt from her that they'd left for Islamabad a few hours before. Total WTF moment, I tell you. I couldn't believe she was talking about my parents. They don't go to a different city without telling their kids.

Obviously, I was wrong. They got back today, and I feel it's too soon to ask about my Lahore plans.

I feel selfish, but they never should have said yes in the first place if they were going to pull this >.<

I didn't expect them to say yes when I asked. My mom never says yes. NEVER okay, never. But she did. She said, "fine with me, ask your dad."

Which I did. So he called his (I think) Travel Agent friend to ask what was the deal on going to Lahore.

IN FRONT OF ME, OKAY. Which resulted in me getting even more excited, and telling my friend and us planning on getting Purple (me, she's already 'been there and done that') and Blue (her) hair. Watching movie-marathons, meeting her old friends, eating out, shopping and basically just having pure unadulterated fun.

Right now I would have looked like this:

Oh and I made two new friends. Meet Maw, and Paw.

That's them swimming in the bowls we caught them in. And that's their home. Where I go to visit them every day

haha I like fish. :D

Friday, June 25, 2010

On Being an Atheist.

Which I'm not. An Atheist, I mean. I'm a Theist. I have a couple of friends who are though. One of whom once asked me why I believed in God. And I thought about it.

My reasons are completely selfish. I need God. I need to know there is someone or something with whom I can talk to. Someone I can complain to. Someone I can pray too. Someone who's always there, always available to listen to me rant, rave, complain and ask for whatever I desire at the moment.

I need God to keep me sane. I really do.

Tell me guys, you a theist or atheist? And why do you believe in God? In a supreme being? Or why not?

Friday, June 11, 2010

The losers who make it worth it.

I can't believe just how boring this summer is turning out to be. Like UNBELIEVABLE hai.

Each summer I plan on making that summer awesome. About doing awesome things and more or less just having fun.

I'm not having fun this summer. Come to think of it I didn't last summer either. The year before that was fantastic though. haha Mostly because of the Community Service hours we were supposed to complete at this hospital. I met one of the coolest most amazing people that summer. Didn't exactly meet I suppose since I'd known her since the 6th grade and we were already kinda friends, but that summer I spent actual time with her and learnt just how awesome she was.

I haven't had the greatest luck with 'friends', to be honest. Apparently I'm not a very good judge of character. But, whatever. I'm pretty happy with the friends I've made this year. They're awesome. :) That's them:

And the coolest, my hopefully soon-to-be-first-person-who's-place-I-sleepover-at-for-the-first-time-in-my-life. (Yeah I'm eighteen, and I've never been to a sleepover. -_- Now you know how awful my life is?)

Anyway, that's her. Isn't she pretty :) haha

And two of them are amazing bloggers too CLG and Sara. Check them out. They won't disappoint. :)

And I saved the best for last. The funniest, kindest, coolest, most wonderful person I've ever had the fortune to get to know, my best friend Aleena M. :D

This was probably my stupidest post ever. See? I've lost my (did I even have it?) flare. Ah well, that's them. The looser who make my life worth living. Love you suckers. :)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

That's twenty.

I have twenty followers today!


I'm getting exited.

AND it rained.

Really, I was COMPLETELY convinced Phet wasn't going to come anywhere near Karachi. I had atrip to Sunday Bazar (local flea market) all planned out. And all the 'status updates' about people wanting to 'walk into the cyclone' and the ' Dear Mr. Phet' s were getting really annoying.

And I was kindda right. There was no cyclone. The Pakistani Media was being such a drama queen.

BUT I'm glad it rained. It probably drowned all of Karachi and people were without electricity for more than twelve hours. But, whatever. We need this.

In other news I've been free for almost two weeks and haven't 'partied' yet. My life is just really sad and boring. All I do all day is read. Which I love, but still. Haad hoti hai.

I have a whole list of movies I want to watch. But can't. Anyone know where I can watch movies online? Anyone know any good ACTUALLY scary movies I should watch?

This is not fun.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Cutest Blog on the Block, and incoherent rambling.

That's not my blog. I have an ugly blog. I need to find a nice new template. Which is, as Maria D. once said, 'me'.

My sister has an exam tomorrow at this big fancy school. I wish my parents had thought to enroll me in the said 'B.F.S'. I hated my school. Most people have such fond memories of school, and all I have is an unbelievable hatred for the place where I was tortured (mentally, since physically isn't allowed. Although if it were they'd have love to do it) for about five years.

I suppose that's the reason people love their schools so much, they've been in them for years. I've been in atleast five schools before high school and haven't been able to build a connection with any, really. Still, I haven't disliked any as much as I disliked my last school.

Anyway, whatever.

I'm bored, these days. I had nothing to read so I borrowed a ton of Judith McNaught books from a cousin. They're not fun, so far. I'm also trying to finish Tess these days. I read an abridged version ages ago and loved it. I've this edition for quite some time now, and have finally decided to pick it up and FINISH it.

ALSO I have once again become addicted to . It's a Harry Potter Fan-Fic site. I love(ed?) Harry Potter. I was in second grade when it first came out. I remember my mom issuing a copy from the library and trying to get me or my brother to read it. And I remember thinking how boring and uninteresting it was. That opinion soon changed. Soon I loved Harry Potter like I've loved nothing else.

I remember how me and my friend Sheena used to make up stories in which we would be part of their world. Our own fan-fic of sorts. I miss that time sometimes. Sheena was the first real 'best-friend' I had. I remember how she used to always crack me up. She was hilarious. I love hilarious people. If you can make me laugh, I'll love you. Not that it's hard to make me laugh. I laugh a lot.

I've also once again become fixated with Rose Red. That was one coolio movie. I read the diary of Ellen Rimbauer afterwards sure beyond doubt Rose Red was real. I planned trips to Seattle to see it.

Beautiful, isn't it? Supposed to be haunted. The house changes. Grows.

"There have been only two documented investigations of the house and the two of them cite similar and practically identical phenomenon. The parapsychologists staying in the bedrooms of Rose Red with the permission of Steven Rimbauer have described a majority of phenomenon bordering between typical and the unusual. The ghosts have been described as resembling decomposed and desiccated corpses wandering the estate and peeking around corners as well as in traditional spectral anamorphous shapes. Ellen Rimbauer’s ghost has been glimpsed flitting around the halls and corridors or standing in thought just out of eyeshot. However, her personality and behavior remains bipolar. To the people she considers as guests, she can be kind and endearing to the point of leaving gifts. To all others, she can be frightening and merciless. Members of Max Burnsteim’s investigative team felt they were in critical danger as things fell close to them, just short of causing major harm and presences seemed to chase them through the house. One observer remarked that Ellen seems determined to control everything in the house, and by all terms and purposes, that seems to be what is occurring. Another source practically describes her as possessed.

Other members of Max Burnstheim’s team remarked they thought they saw a ghostly little girl wandering the upstairs with a deformed left arm pulled up close to her chest. Sometimes accompanied by temperatures of extreme cold, she is believed to be April Rimbauer, but she is much more distant than her mother’s spirit and refuses to be acknowledged or confronted. Much more active is the presence of Sukeena, Ellen’s best friend and companion. During the short times tours were conducted through the place, a woman of slender build and African descent believed to be the housekeeper has met a few people at the front entrance. Often conducting informal tours beyond the knowledge of the Seattle Historical Society, Sukeena has described to visitors the most intimate details of Rose Red that only a person who lived there would know. Often appearing as a normal living person to those who have seen her, Sukeena has surprised and received scoffs from visitors refusing to believe she is one of the ghosts. Others who have encountered her, mostly men, are quite the opposite by reporting they have been put off by an indefinable aura of danger as she tries to lure them into parts of the house and grounds.

One of Burnstheim’s researchers noted the odd moving around of a female statue seen on the grounds while observing from an upstairs bedroom window. Over the course of a few nights, he reported that it seemed to be closer to the house on some occasions and nearly obscured by a tree on others. Noting its placements by time, day and circumstance, he made note that it seemed to circle the pool it overlooked and even turned on occasion from facing it. One night, it actually seemed to turn its head up to him in what was most likely an optical illusion."

Oh and I Goggled 'Bad schools in Karachi' and found this;

Pathetic. Anyone know these girls? Tell them their pictures are being used for shit like this, maybe they'll be able to get the owner to remove them. Or sue him? Hhaha I think not.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

It's over!

Because it is.

It ended today. That's four sexualzxx exams and three not so sexual exams =/

But it's over! And I went around hugging people I've never even talked to before.


Anyway talking to this one person made me remember something.

You know how people in Pakistan don't have a clue as to what they are saying at times?
I mean who says
"Yes, it was very, very, fatal, the accident! but mashallah he's okay now"

I mean please. Dont say fatal if you dont know what it means goddamnit.

and what about,
"Oh he's very healthy mashallah!"
This said about an obese little kid who adores french fries. He probably worships the Potato God or something!

Weird pakis.

-aesha m.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Bus bahi.

NOT Google. Okay. NOT GOOGLE.

Facebook, understandable.

YouTube, Don't like it, but get it. Again, DON'T LIKE IT.

Wikipedia, why? This one I don't get.

GOOGLE, WTF?!?! Why Google? Google doesn't even have any content! It just redirects sites! RIGHT?

I need Google. I Google EVERYTHING. I need this to study for tomorrow. :(

I'm hating this.

Not YouTube!

Yeah okay. Facebook I understand. Whatever. But why YouTube?? Why Wikipedia?

I'll miss Shane. And Alex.

I'm just really sad right now.

Blocking YouTube is NOT cool.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Wavin' Flag.

Coolest song ever.

If anyone does NOT like this song, then there's something seriously wrong with them. -_-

Also, I'm very tired of studying. Before the 17th I hadn't slept for more then 6 hours in three days. And where'd that get me? I felt like I was going to fall asleep during both my exams! I probably dosed off for a few minutes during history, now that I come to think of it. And on Sunday, I fell and hit my head on the stairs and had amnesia and deja vu at the same time. So I freaked out about not remembering anything for my exams, but then though what exams? haha That's not true. I copied that from somewhere. Which I no longer remember =/

I spent the first half hour during Literature trying to:
a) Stay awake
b) Get my brain to work and,
c) Pick a question to do.

I finally decided on this question which asked us to compare how the poets had explored memories in two different poems. I made a list of about 20 outta 29 poems and only three seemed to have anything to do with memories. One of who's poet I could not remember. So I chose the other poem, and tried to connect my answer to the question as best as I could. I textd my teacher what I did in the exam and she goes, 'Poetry oh oh'. Not exactly what I wanted to hear after my 3 hour history exam (or read-technically).

In history I did the Napoleon question. Everybody went, "What? Why?! Why didn't you do the Nicholas and Stalin question? We had an option for once!"

Yeah well I COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT STALIN, SO BOO FUCKING HOO. And my Hitler question sucked too. Jab kay I did him so well.

Haye. I'm tired. I have LAW II tomorrow which I should be studying for since it's not like I did especially well in Law I. When will this end?

Friday, May 14, 2010

Nailed it.

NOT. Yeah. Didn't nail it. Epic fail.

Or not so epic..just plain fail?

Plain fail, it is.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

24 Hours.

That's how much I have left. That is IT. Bus 24 hours until my first exam. Law I. Yeah, I was up till four last night, you'd think I was studying since I have such an important exam the next day. But oops yaar. No such luck. Law I is 75% of my grade. So if I mess this up no way am I going to be able to make up in Law II. I need that A. Law was the one thing I was SURE of. Now? Not so much.

One would expect I'd study NOW. At the last hour. Yeah, still no.


Monday, May 10, 2010


It's over. Not my exams, no. But One Tree Hill with Lucas and Peyton and Scrubs with the original guys. Over. The ending of Scrubs was so corny, so cheesy so J.D. It was perfect.

So I've promised myself I'm not going to watch any episodes without Lucas and Peyton, and The Original Scrubs Cast. At least until the exams end. :)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Rude awaking.

I don't know if it can even be called that, and I certainly don't know why I'm writing about this now. Here's the thing. This Friday I went downstairs to order A around, get him to go get me some stuff. While I wait for him to come back, I usually read the paper. On that (not-so-fine) day the front cover of the metropolitan had this gory picture of a car literally under a varsity bus splattered with blood. I read the article, and remember thinking , 'oh. Sad. A's back, gonna go enjoy my lays'.

So I go back upstairs and log onto facebook and I'm bombarded with a barrage of statuses offering condolences to these two kids who used to go to my school for the 'untimely demise of their elder brother'. And this really stupid kid has uploaded a picture of the accident and tagged people in it. So there I am thinking, whattay retard. I was shocked for a couple of minutes, and really felt sorry for the two and their family. Loosing a family member can never be easy. But really. Insensitive as it sounds, that was it. A couple minutes of sympathy is all I could muster. Then.

Last night, because of a lack of anything else to do I (stalkerish as this sounds) was randomly going through A's pictures. There was this album she had where there were a ton of pictures of her with her brothers. I'd seen these pictures before and never really noticed the third guy.. I'd just always concentrated on A and Z, the kids I knew. But yesterday I couldn't help staring at him.. He was so young. He looked so... I don't know.. Alive.

There was this picture of him hugging his mom and suddenly I felt so sad. I cried for hours thinking of the pain she must have been going through. I never knew the guy and I didn't know his mom but the thought of all the hurt the anguish she must be going through made me cry well into the night. Like I said it's never easy to deal with the death of a family member but it must be so much worst to know that you'll never see your child again.

I've never talked to Z. We went to the same O level school and are now together in A levels but never once do I remember talking to him. Nor can I ever remember talking to A. I mention this because like I said before I'm not close to either of them. They're just kids I went to school with. Which is why I can not understand for the world of me, why their brother's death has affected me so much. Another guy died with him. Equally young. But again. Nothing there. It's just A and Z's family I feel sorry for. I didn't cry this much at my grandmother's funeral. Granted I wasn't all that close to her but I didn't even know this guy. I wish I could explain my feelings better. Or even understand them myself. Maybe I'm just PMSing.

I haven't written on their walls (Don't judge me. I have no other way of communicating, okay.) about how sorry I am for their loss. About how, futile as it is, I wish there were something I could do. About how I hope they'll get through this okay. About how I wish them all the best. Not because I don't care enough to, but because I really don't have the exact words to express to either of them all that I feel.

A and Z, if you guys ever read this, know that I'm very sorry. That I'm praying from your brother and hope he's at peace.

Friend-guys who read this, I know you probably got the text from school but do me a favor now and remember U in your thoughts and prayers. I hope he's granted a place in heaven.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Getting there, and another giveaway! :D

So I tried. Like really. And finished like 4 Law essay questions so far today! :D
Which is great and all, only I wish I had worked with a little more concentration. I could have done about six. I kept getting up and going to watch One Tree Hill with my sister. (Which is very awesome btw!) Anyway. I'm getting there. I think.

In other news, my new house dreams may just have been shattered. The parents are thinking of selling that and moving to Canada again. They had the same idea a couple of years ago, which obviously didn't work out for them. Anyway. I don't know. I just hope they don't sell the place and then decide they want to stay here after all. I really liked it. REALLY. It's directly opposite Sunday Bazar, the view is great, and I went and saw it a few days ago and picked out my room and everything. Again. I don't know. I'm just so tired of it all. I can't wait for university, I just want to get away from all the drama here.

On the bright side, I entered another Giveaway! So yayness! I hope I get this, though the person was all she's going to send it to where ever shipping costs the least. That's not here. The stuff sure is real nice, so I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope to get it.

Friday, May 7, 2010


The exams. EXACTLY one week till they start for me. I hate my timetable. HATE, okay. Like horrible hai. I have History with Literature, and you (if you've read the other 32456 posts about History) know what a hard time I'm having with it.

So on the

14th I have Law
17th History AND Literature
19th Law again
21st Sociology
26th Sociology AND Literature

This was after I was assured countless times that they do NOT EVER have History and Literature on the same day. Well, apparently this year they decided whattayhell.

Also, I feel my Literature exam is going to.. well as you can see.. suck. BOTH of them.

So I go, what were the stupid CIE people thinking? EVERYBODY has a History + Literature + Sociology combination. Or so I though until I decided to find out how many people I knew who were screwed with me, and whaddayaknow, NO ONE. In my school at least. They have History and Literature, and Sociology and Literature but not History, Sociology AND Literature. That's just me. Boy, do I feel special. I'm going to be suffering alone. -_-

I don't have anything going with law, but again I feel it may suck as I'm VERY unprepared. But I have no one to blame but myself. Might as well go study. Sigh. FML.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I hate...

- How I'm always obsessing about school.
- How I never do anything other then just actually study.
- How I'm always trying to be what I think people want me to be.
- How I can't afford Holyoke.
- How I sometimes judge people.
- How I always disappoint.
- How I always seem to mess up.
- How I usually make the wrong friends.
- How when I do make the RIGHT friends, I'm never able to keep em. -_-
- How I piss people off.
- Because I do.
- How I never seem to achieve my goals.
- How I never pull through.
- How I have awful hair.
- Yes, that too.
- How I'm afraid.
- How I don't know who I am.
- How I can't decide on who I want to be.
- How there's a part of me who likes nice clothes, accessories, things with Prada and Gucci labels on them. But then there's the part whose against elitism.
- How there's a part of me who wants to make a difference. Stand up for what I believe in. Fight. But then I think it'd be easier to just give in. To get married have three kids, a nice house, a driver, a couple of maids and live The Pakistani Dream.
- How I don't think I'll be able to do this.
- Fight , I mean.
- How I feel so alone sometimes.
- How I wish somebody understood me.
- How Jaffar people labeled me a slut, because I didn't conform.
- Jaffar in general. ABHOR the place. :)
- How I wish I were a stronger person.
- How I feel helpless sometimes.
- How I have so much anger inside me.
- How unfair it is to live in a house where I'm denied of things my brother has.
- And I don't just mean freedom.
- How carelessly I spend money.
- How guilty I feel afterwards.
- How I sometimes am stupid enough to wish I were a part of One Tree Hill, or F.R.I.E.N.D.S or whatever.
- How I'm not more independent.
- How even though I love my parents, I just don't feel like we .. connect?
- How I'm stupid and immature.

I should see a shrink.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Not to be all 'emo' but..

My life sucks. It does. TRULY. Exaggeration kay without, okay.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Ms. M would love these. Considering she was teaching us in language that one time, to (if thats's the word) analogize.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

Speaking of Ms. M reminds me of our Literature drama exam results, which we got today. Awful. Just awful. It ruiened my whole grade! I was getting an A before and now.. Well I'm getting a B now, but I'd have LIKED an A. haye.



Monday, April 26, 2010

Reason number 53462789

Why I love History, even though I'm failing.


Like today, when I entered class two of the kids in my class, S and Z were talking about a friend of their's who was getting engaged, and how another one had gotten married a while ago. They argued that it was all wrong to get girls married off at such a young age, especially into a family where (they felt) she didn't 'fit in'. She'd gone to their very 'liberal' school and had been forced(?)to marry a guy who's family observed complete hijab, didn't have telephones or televisions at their place and other somethingsomethings.

They, (rightly-I believe) were indignant that her parents hadn't cared enough to give her a proper -or complete- education before marrying her off. The Dr. however, disagreed. He felt that the parents were probably doing whatever they thought was the right thing to do, seeing as securing a 'safe' future for your kids is a parents first duty. And he felt that Women without male backing in The Islamic Republic of Pakistan, were very vulnerable.

In societies such as ours, where Money and Muscle rule the roost, mean no accountability for any action, there seems to be no place for equality. And even when you TRY to have women become economically independent and educated, it still won't work because they'll be working at a workplace in a society which does not only discourage economic independence in women, but basically frowns upon women being independent, in any way possible.

The average Pakistani male is a bastard of the first order -Dr. Farooq Sheikh

I couldn't agree more Sir, and if it were up to me I would, as you suggested, have any male who even attempts to molest a woman castrated. No questions asked.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

History blues.

I'm still failing History!

I don't get my teacher. I love having him as a teacher but I do not GET him.

Southshore mai they love their teacher, and he loves them. And believe me I know the lot of them are a whole lot worst then us. They all get As all the time, while the highest anyone in our sorry class manages to get is a high C.

I have recently developed an annoying fixation with As which I can not seem to rid myself of. I'm pretty much getting an A in everything BUT History. I'm getting a (probably) low C in History. And I need that A, if I want to get into Holyoke or Amherst or, keeping in mind my exceptional O level grades ANY university!


HE says I don't know how to write, well okay. Maybe I don't. But why don't the other teachers give me the same feedback? Why am I getting a relatively good grade in Literature, and why was I 1st (that's right, First!) in my language class, before 'those two' joined? My language class has some pretty good writers, and I was evidently, if not better, then at least as good as them.

Today I wrote this answer on Napoleon. I called him invincible, a social climber, said he was a 'hero' and called The Directory, a fiasco. All these are opinions, not facts. Very questionable (if they can be called that) opinions. If I had put more time or thought into the essay, rest assured I would have never made such assumptions, but I was tired and basically just not in the mood for History. And to be honest, I didn't really expect him to collect the assignments anyway.


Then asked if I'd written it myself. Apparently, he seemed to like it. And if he liked it, there was no way I'd written it myself1!

Forget the French Revolution, it's against my 'ideals' to cry for As. But really, my rallying cry isn't Liberté, égalité, fraternité.. It's.. Well.. I need a rallying cry.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

History blues.

I'm still failing History!

I don't get my teacher. I love having him as a teacher but I do not GET him.

Southshore mai they love there teacher, and he loves them. And believe me I know the lot of them are a whole lot worst then us. They all get As all the time, while the highest anyone in our sorry class manages to get is a high C.

I have recently developed an annoying fixation with As which I can not seem to rid myself of. I'm pretty much getting an A in everything BUT History. I'm getting a (probably) low C in History. And I need that A, if I want to get into Holyoke or Amherst or, keeping in mind my exceptional O level grades ANY university!


HE says I don't know how to write, well okay. Maybe I don't. But why don't the other teachers give me the same feedback? Why am I getting a relatively good grade in Literature, and why was I 1st (that's right, First!) in my language class, before 'those two' joined? My language class has some pretty good writers, and I was evidently, if not better, then at least as good as them.

Today I wrote this answer on Napoleon. I called him invincible, a social climber, said he was a 'hero' and called The Directory, a fiasco. All these are opinions, not facts. Very questionable (if they can be called that) opinions. If I had put more time or thought into the essay, rest assured I would have never made such assumptions, but I was tired and basically just not in the mood for History. And to be honest, I didn't really expect him to collect the assignments anyway.


Then asked if I'd written it myself. Apparently, he seemed to like it. And if he liked it, there was no way I'd written it myself1!

Forget the French Revolution, it's against my 'ideals' to cry for As. But really, my rallying cry isn't Liberté, égalité, fraternité.. It's.. Well.. I need a rallying cry.

Saturday, April 17, 2010


I love that show. I really do. It's hilarious, and it never gets old. And it's all I watch these days. I need a life. And Friends I can dance in a fountain with. Got one, need five more. That's my favorite part. It seems like they're having so much fun. I'd like to have THAT much fun. My life is so monotonous and .. boring?


Thursday, April 15, 2010

Need to feel appreciated?

I do.

I really really do. Since our maid has been on a vacation it seems like I'm doing all the work around our place. I wash the dishes. I make my bed. I wash the clothes. I water the plants. I iron the clothes. I help make the food. And I try to fit in as much revision as possible in what little time I have left - okay, no I don't. I watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S -

This may not seem like everyday stuff to those who don't have maid's (everybody outside of Pakistan, that is), but to people who're used to having it done for them every day IT IS A BIG DEAL.

And hard work.

I must sound SO self-centered.

But I do A LOT of work. A LOT. And nobody appreciates it! They just keep piling it on My brother doesn't have to do anything since he's a BOY and apparently my sister's too young. -_- That leaves me.

Maqsooda, I have never missed you so much. You do so much for us. Thank you.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Shit happens.

So today I'm going to share with my (non-existent) readers something that happened some time ago, which only my best friend knows about.

A few days after my birthday in August, I was home, alone. My brother was about to leave and I'd gotten a text from my best friend who was going to go apply to A level schools. She asked if I was free and if I could come along. I of course, gladly agreed. And since my brother was about to leave I hurried and changed and and left the house. Only I left it unlocked.

So after a while (on our way back from Southshore) I get this call from my dad. Who asks where I am, and when if when I was at home had I noticed anyone coming in? Or did I see if my mom's closet door was open? I hadn't.

So then my dad 'dropped' the bomb. Telling me how when my mom had come home all her
jewelery was missing. ALL of it. Being the looser that I am, I stared Crying. And Shakeel asked if I was okay, and needed to go home. I decided I didn't want to go home.

Eventually I did get home. Now they were three people at my place when this happened. The maid, who'd been working at our place for like 5 years, and the other guy, who's been at our place for like the last 15 years. So we really don't know who did it.

My dad has been all for it's the maid, and she has no husband and 5 kids and she needed the money. So she was 'forced by the circumstances' to do it. My dad wanted her arrested, my mom didn't let him. "Going all, if it's not her then it'll be morally wrong to put her through that and stuff"

Anyway, it was all 'down under' for a while, until last week. Her daughters got married. And apparently people came and told my dad about how her daughters' marriages were 'grand' and the thing has blown up again. My dad now has no doubt it was her, who used the money for her daughters' 'grand' marriages. So he plans to have her arrested as soon as she come back from her 'vacation'. Jabkay my mom still insists it wasn't her.

Which leads us to the question; who was it?

We don't know.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Bitches and then some.

I was in a pretty bad mood all day today, thanks to my awful history exam.

Also another thing happened today. It finally left us the fuck alone. Well not us so much as just my best friend. I can't fool myself into believing I have a stalker anymore. :( But, FINALLY. It's been almost an year now, about time you got a life.

Who is 'it', you wonder. It was apparently a friend of mine who loved to bitch about me, to other people. I hate people who pretend to like you, but really hate you. I mean seriously? I don't care if you don't like me you fathairycrookedtoothedslut! But say it to my face! And if it was only me, maybe I'd have admitted that I had the problem, that I really was the annoying-unlikable-whore she made me out to be, but it WASN'T just me. She did that about every fucking body.

"Oh R do you know about J he's such a douche bag he's always saying blahblahblah about you, listen A, you know S? She's always saying shit about you to me. Omg N, did you know Z has slept with D? She's such a slut. Yeah I know because K told me."

Yeah bitch, everybody comes to you to bitch about others. I get it, I pissed you off with my sluty-ness one day, the next day I refused to tell you what I was talking about with the guy-you-think-is-your-best-friend, and the third I refused to share my food with you. But every fucking day?

I'll admit it, I'm not exactly a wonderful person. In fact, I have many faults. I diss people too, I make fun of others at times, But I'm not mean. And I don't do things to purposely hurt somebody's feelings. And If I've ever done that, then here's a public apology. I'm sorry.

Friday, April 9, 2010


It's official. I hate sociology. The syllabus is not finishing, I found out we didn't even DO a chapter that comes in the exam because apparently there's an option, therefore OUR TEACHER FIGURED WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT.

Ugh. If socio ruins my grade.. I'll drop it! -.-

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Stupid viruses

Won't leave me alone. The stupid Security Tool keeps getting installed 'without my knowledge or permission' I need to get rid of this, and fast. Or I'll have to face the Ami-Attack again. Not. Pleasant.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

That time of the month again.

No, not that.

It's test week again. Or exam week? Either way, Not. Cool.

The cramming begins again. Doesn't this totally defeat the purpose of education?

I like As. They're pretty, and shiny and make me feel good about myself. They represent the stars we got as kids, of which we were so proud.

Need an ego boost? Get a few As. They'll do the trick. A best friend helps too, but As do it better then anything else. I need an A. Or a few, actually. In history, literature and law.

I've gotten an A average throughout the year in Law, but I feel ZERO prepared for tomorrow's mock. Am I going to fail it? Possibly. Will that disappoint me? Immensely.

I've always been pretty okay at Literature, and would totally have gotten an A if I had put more effort into revision instead of playing.. dare I say it.. farmville. But History mai tu Allah Hafiz hai mera. Literally.

I wish my happiness didn't depend on those As. Not getting them makes me feel like a failure. Back at my old school I didn't care a 'rat's ass' about As, I felt lucky if I barely passed. And believe me, even that was rare.

So when did I change? When did I start caring about my grades? Not just wanting to pass, or be an average C kid, but instead be an 'intellectual bad ass' A kid?

Maybe when I realized my dreams of getting into LUMS, Amherst or Holyoke and 'discovering all that I am, and how I want to change the world' would never be fulfilled if I stayed my lazy ass self.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Friday, April 2, 2010

Okay, I don't.

But I try.

That's gotta count for something, right?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I do study.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

God, physics and the Gender Wars.

I'm not learning anything in sociology. Not a thing. And that sucks because it's such a great subject and I could've learnt so much. I don't know who to blame. Myself or the damn teacher who lets us off every other class. Not that I didn't enjoy that AT FIRST. But really, how many free classes in a year do you need people?

I'm not blaming my teacher (not so much anyway), he's a great guy. It's just..he has no zest for the earnestness. And try as hard as he might, (and really it's not that hard) he's not getting through to us. It's just the mundane old batain, then the 'lets answer the past-paper questions'. And to be honest I'm not a big fan of most kids in my socio class. They aren't there to learn, to explore, to widen their unbelievably-narrow-horizons. They're just there because they heard socio is an easy A.

I was so looking forward to learning in dept about Marx and his theories, Communism, Feminism, The Gender Wars, Post Modernism. All of it. Sure, I want an A too, but before that I really want to know my stuff. To be able to talk about A level Sociology and not just say I took it. But really That's been an epic fail.

I feel stupid.

If all teacher's were like my Law teacher school would have been a much more enjoyable place. Not that it already isn't. But she's just so COOL. And she seems to like what she teaches which I'm sure, is one of the reasons all the students enjoy her classes so much.

I think Sociology is my new Physics.

On the bright side, History is my new bilology. Which means I like it, but still suck at it. :)

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Mocks scare me.

They really do. I haven't felt this stupid since I was at Jaffar. With their unbelievable ability to squeeze the last bit of life and originality out of you. God, I hate the place.

But really, who's idea was it to call these exams 'MOCKS'? How're you supposed to take seriously a bunch of exams called mocks?

"Mommy The MOCKS are MOCKING me again" hahaha

Okay that was stupid.

In class everyday I learn how I haven't learnt much (or learnt and forgotten) this whole year. There's history, which is a nightmare. I love it, because I really learn in it. But then I remember how I'm going to fail in my exam, and that sucks. Although my teacher does keep stressing on how grades aren't important. It's development that matters. And apparently, I'm developing. But I'm not there yet. =/

Something I'm definitely not developing in; sociology.

I feel kay my life is totally centered around school and that again makes me feel stupid. I wish there was more to my life sometimes. Like had had actual things to do other then the go-to-school-come-back-home routine.

But it's not. I must be the most boring 18 year old on the planet. -_-

Saturday, March 27, 2010

General Papers

shouldn't be skipped.

Not even if you've only attended two classes ONE OF WHICH WAS A TEST.

The story behind that is very boring. But I'm going to tell it, for myself of course.

Se I've had language all year, and I've done fairly okay at it. Then our literature teacher tells us all the interesting stuff they do in general and I wish I have it/ But I can't/ Because you can only have either Language or General. General's really important though, specially in Pakistan. A lot of universities require it, and it comes in handy at interviews. So one day, I was told that language students could now take general too.And LUMS requires it too(further investigation showed it didn't). And since my general teach was my literature teach, all I had to do was fill out a form and give it to her. So I did. Only I didn't realize that there was only about a month left for the mocks and general classes were only once a week. That would mean I had roughly 4 classes, only as luck had it One Tuesday was the 23rd and the other the teach was absent. That left me with two classes, one of which was A TEST. So, not much learning there. though that one class on genetics, very interesting.

So, being the earnest student I am [^_^] was all for studying what I could from my brother' old book, and giving the mock but at the last hour realized it would be futile. So no mock-ing for me. =/

Isn't my life exciting? -_-

Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Revision is not that great.

I loved the drama and prose but we're doing poetry and try hard as i may, I just can not seem to connect with it.

I don't care about iambic pentameters and why they're used. I try. But I just don't. At all.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

a view from the bridge

arthur miller really makes sense.
who wrote a street car named desire again?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Out of the ordinary. Yup. Not me.

***** is one of the coolest people ever. Not that i'll ever tell her that.

I love how she's funny, and kind and smart. How she has such a strong personality. How even after she'd been hounded, ranted and raved at about getting married and 'settling down' by most of the females in our family (my mother included, unfortunately) she hasn't budged from her decision to not lead the 'typical life'.

Instead she's going to some university in the US (she hasn't decided which one yet) on a full scholarship (that's right. My cousin is a Full-bright scholar).

She's her own person and she's fairly successful at it.

I want to be like that see. Out of the ordinary. SomeOne. SomeThing. I want to make a difference or be part of change.

One of the reasons I love Nixor so much is that I've gotten such great teachers and had the opportunity to learn so so much.

My law teacher, Ms. Abira is someone one I'd like to be like too. She's this socialist-lawyer-teacher person who's so very cool. She inspires me to be someone, to be a part of change, to stand up, and fight back against the system.

I want that. To inspire.

I don't know what I'll do in life. I'm hopping to stick with Law but do something before that. It was always pre-law before, and then I decided to go to LUMS and just do law but my teach says 19 year olds aren't ready to learn the law. That we should have a bachelors is something else to have greater experience, a wider scope. For that I was thinking journalism. But really, I. Don't. know.

And then all my planning scares me. What if I'm an 'epic fail'? A disappointment.
What then of my Dreams, Hopes and Aspirations?

I should go study.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Bomb Blasts and their Mundanity

Eight bomb blasts in Lahore yesterday. EIGHT.

We live in one destructive nation. I can't help but wonder is there a point to all of this? What do they want?
The wost part about this destruction is how mundane it's become. It happens every other week.

And for most people it really isn't a big deal anymore. It happened yesterday, it'll happen again tomorrow. We're so used to it happening that I don't think many of us care for more then a few minutes.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Bloody bloody history.

I knew today was going to be an awful awful day.

I could feel it in my bones -_-

The driver quit last night because he got told off for being late every single day.

Seriously? Seriously.

So I walked to school (Saudi Embassy to Shahbaz, that's a good 20 min walk people.).

Sure it's fun when it's raining and the weather's great but not so much when it's hot, humid and sunny out and your backpack weighs a ton.

I think I'd like a scooter.

A purple or Red one.

Like the one's girls in India have.

Time girls in Pakistan got them too.

But then again, girls on scooters are probably haram. :-/

And girls here (or the ones I know at least) would rather die then move around in anything but their big fancy cars.

Back To My Bad Day

So Literature wasn't anything special, and afterwards I tried to run to the library and get some Law done, but Sadia reminded me of how we had to call S.D, which I did.

Thrice. Only to get a;

"This number doesn't have an account. Talk to a 100 other people"

So I blew away 45 rupees on not getting through. :-|

Eventually I finally got to the library and did a bit of jury-ing and lots of magistrates-ing. Only I didn't freaking do any Sentencing.

I figured she'd be nice and give us an option. Three chapters, two questions.

If I did two chapters throughly(?) I'd be able to attempt one question. Unfortunately, there was only one question. Damn sentencing.

On the plus side I did the same for History, lots of Stalin, bit of Hitler, no Mussolini.

I spend all of last night studying bloody Russia with its bloody bloody history (pun intended :D) and its doesn't come. Good thing I did a little bit of Hitler, and revised it in Sociology.

There goes my A in law, all because I spent law-time doing history. :(

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Starting over. Again.

Wordpress or Blogspot?
Someone, [The-almost-sister :) ] said Worpress, but the themes-things here are so much nicer=/
So, The Morality of Murder. Havard Lecture,
OhMyGod. Amazing.
I haven't see even one whole lecture yet but its very though provoking so far;
Would you steer an unstopable trolley car onto a side track so it'd kill one person but save the lives of five others?
But then, would you push a man infront of the it? He'd die, but consequently save the lives of the other five.
What is the RIGHT thing to do?
Everyone was all for killing the single worker and saving the lives of the other five, except for a handfull of people. Because that'd be like utilitarinism. Killing a minority race for the benefit of the majorty. Or something like that.
The professor then asked what if you were a doctor, and you had five patients who all needed some organ so they could live. In the next room there was a healthy guy, who just came for a check up. Would you kill him, take all his organs to save the lives of the other five?
It's like what we did in law sometime ago. What may seem morally right, may not always be leagally right.

Ivy League education in your (mom's- in my case) bedroom.
All thanks to those physically-emotinally-under-developed guniesses who still live with there moms. Ouch.

On a COMPLELELY unrelated note, I must ask for an appoinment with my college councilor soon.