No, not that.
It's test week again. Or exam week? Either way, Not. Cool.
The cramming begins again. Doesn't this totally defeat the purpose of education?
I like As. They're pretty, and shiny and make me feel good about myself. They represent the stars we got as kids, of which we were so proud.
Need an ego boost? Get a few As. They'll do the trick. A best friend helps too, but As do it better then anything else. I need an A. Or a few, actually. In history, literature and law.
I've gotten an A average throughout the year in Law, but I feel ZERO prepared for tomorrow's mock. Am I going to fail it? Possibly. Will that disappoint me? Immensely.
I've always been pretty okay at Literature, and would totally have gotten an A if I had put more effort into revision instead of playing.. dare I say it.. farmville. But History mai tu Allah Hafiz hai mera. Literally.
I wish my happiness didn't depend on those As. Not getting them makes me feel like a failure. Back at my old school I didn't care a 'rat's ass' about As, I felt lucky if I barely passed. And believe me, even that was rare.
So when did I change? When did I start caring about my grades? Not just wanting to pass, or be an average C kid, but instead be an 'intellectual bad ass' A kid?
Maybe when I realized my dreams of getting into LUMS, Amherst or Holyoke and 'discovering all that I am, and how I want to change the world' would never be fulfilled if I stayed my lazy ass self.