I don't know if it can even be called that, and I certainly don't know why I'm writing about this now. Here's the thing. This Friday I went downstairs to order A around, get him to go get me some stuff. While I wait for him to come back, I usually read the paper. On that (not-so-fine) day the front cover of the metropolitan had this gory picture of a car literally under a varsity bus splattered with blood. I read the article, and remember thinking , 'oh. Sad. A's back, gonna go enjoy my lays'.
So I go back upstairs and log onto facebook and I'm bombarded with a barrage of statuses offering condolences to these two kids who used to go to my school for the 'untimely demise of their elder brother'. And this really stupid kid has uploaded a picture of the accident and tagged people in it. So there I am thinking, whattay retard. I was shocked for a couple of minutes, and really felt sorry for the two and their family. Loosing a family member can never be easy. But really. Insensitive as it sounds, that was it. A couple minutes of sympathy is all I could muster. Then.
Last night, because of a lack of anything else to do I (stalkerish as this sounds) was randomly going through A's pictures. There was this album she had where there were a ton of pictures of her with her brothers. I'd seen these pictures before and never really noticed the third guy.. I'd just always concentrated on A and Z, the kids I knew. But yesterday I couldn't help staring at him.. He was so young. He looked so... I don't know.. Alive.
There was this picture of him hugging his mom and suddenly I felt so sad. I cried for hours thinking of the pain she must have been going through. I never knew the guy and I didn't know his mom but the thought of all the hurt the anguish she must be going through made me cry well into the night. Like I said it's never easy to deal with the death of a family member but it must be so much worst to know that you'll never see your child again.
I've never talked to Z. We went to the same O level school and are now together in A levels but never once do I remember talking to him. Nor can I ever remember talking to A. I mention this because like I said before I'm not close to either of them. They're just kids I went to school with. Which is why I can not understand for the world of me, why their brother's death has affected me so much. Another guy died with him. Equally young. But again. Nothing there. It's just A and Z's family I feel sorry for. I didn't cry this much at my grandmother's funeral. Granted I wasn't all that close to her but I didn't even know this guy. I wish I could explain my feelings better. Or even understand them myself. Maybe I'm just PMSing.
I haven't written on their walls (Don't judge me. I have no other way of communicating, okay.) about how sorry I am for their loss. About how, futile as it is, I wish there were something I could do. About how I hope they'll get through this okay. About how I wish them all the best. Not because I don't care enough to, but because I really don't have the exact words to express to either of them all that I feel.
A and Z, if you guys ever read this, know that I'm very sorry. That I'm praying from your brother and hope he's at peace.
Friend-guys who read this, I know you probably got the text from school but do me a favor now and remember U in your thoughts and prayers. I hope he's granted a place in heaven.