Monday, May 31, 2010

Cutest Blog on the Block, and incoherent rambling.

That's not my blog. I have an ugly blog. I need to find a nice new template. Which is, as Maria D. once said, 'me'.

My sister has an exam tomorrow at this big fancy school. I wish my parents had thought to enroll me in the said 'B.F.S'. I hated my school. Most people have such fond memories of school, and all I have is an unbelievable hatred for the place where I was tortured (mentally, since physically isn't allowed. Although if it were they'd have love to do it) for about five years.

I suppose that's the reason people love their schools so much, they've been in them for years. I've been in atleast five schools before high school and haven't been able to build a connection with any, really. Still, I haven't disliked any as much as I disliked my last school.

Anyway, whatever.

I'm bored, these days. I had nothing to read so I borrowed a ton of Judith McNaught books from a cousin. They're not fun, so far. I'm also trying to finish Tess these days. I read an abridged version ages ago and loved it. I've this edition for quite some time now, and have finally decided to pick it up and FINISH it.

ALSO I have once again become addicted to . It's a Harry Potter Fan-Fic site. I love(ed?) Harry Potter. I was in second grade when it first came out. I remember my mom issuing a copy from the library and trying to get me or my brother to read it. And I remember thinking how boring and uninteresting it was. That opinion soon changed. Soon I loved Harry Potter like I've loved nothing else.

I remember how me and my friend Sheena used to make up stories in which we would be part of their world. Our own fan-fic of sorts. I miss that time sometimes. Sheena was the first real 'best-friend' I had. I remember how she used to always crack me up. She was hilarious. I love hilarious people. If you can make me laugh, I'll love you. Not that it's hard to make me laugh. I laugh a lot.

I've also once again become fixated with Rose Red. That was one coolio movie. I read the diary of Ellen Rimbauer afterwards sure beyond doubt Rose Red was real. I planned trips to Seattle to see it.

Beautiful, isn't it? Supposed to be haunted. The house changes. Grows.

"There have been only two documented investigations of the house and the two of them cite similar and practically identical phenomenon. The parapsychologists staying in the bedrooms of Rose Red with the permission of Steven Rimbauer have described a majority of phenomenon bordering between typical and the unusual. The ghosts have been described as resembling decomposed and desiccated corpses wandering the estate and peeking around corners as well as in traditional spectral anamorphous shapes. Ellen Rimbauer’s ghost has been glimpsed flitting around the halls and corridors or standing in thought just out of eyeshot. However, her personality and behavior remains bipolar. To the people she considers as guests, she can be kind and endearing to the point of leaving gifts. To all others, she can be frightening and merciless. Members of Max Burnsteim’s investigative team felt they were in critical danger as things fell close to them, just short of causing major harm and presences seemed to chase them through the house. One observer remarked that Ellen seems determined to control everything in the house, and by all terms and purposes, that seems to be what is occurring. Another source practically describes her as possessed.

Other members of Max Burnstheim’s team remarked they thought they saw a ghostly little girl wandering the upstairs with a deformed left arm pulled up close to her chest. Sometimes accompanied by temperatures of extreme cold, she is believed to be April Rimbauer, but she is much more distant than her mother’s spirit and refuses to be acknowledged or confronted. Much more active is the presence of Sukeena, Ellen’s best friend and companion. During the short times tours were conducted through the place, a woman of slender build and African descent believed to be the housekeeper has met a few people at the front entrance. Often conducting informal tours beyond the knowledge of the Seattle Historical Society, Sukeena has described to visitors the most intimate details of Rose Red that only a person who lived there would know. Often appearing as a normal living person to those who have seen her, Sukeena has surprised and received scoffs from visitors refusing to believe she is one of the ghosts. Others who have encountered her, mostly men, are quite the opposite by reporting they have been put off by an indefinable aura of danger as she tries to lure them into parts of the house and grounds.

One of Burnstheim’s researchers noted the odd moving around of a female statue seen on the grounds while observing from an upstairs bedroom window. Over the course of a few nights, he reported that it seemed to be closer to the house on some occasions and nearly obscured by a tree on others. Noting its placements by time, day and circumstance, he made note that it seemed to circle the pool it overlooked and even turned on occasion from facing it. One night, it actually seemed to turn its head up to him in what was most likely an optical illusion."

Oh and I Goggled 'Bad schools in Karachi' and found this;

Pathetic. Anyone know these girls? Tell them their pictures are being used for shit like this, maybe they'll be able to get the owner to remove them. Or sue him? Hhaha I think not.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

It's over!

Because it is.

It ended today. That's four sexualzxx exams and three not so sexual exams =/

But it's over! And I went around hugging people I've never even talked to before.


Anyway talking to this one person made me remember something.

You know how people in Pakistan don't have a clue as to what they are saying at times?
I mean who says
"Yes, it was very, very, fatal, the accident! but mashallah he's okay now"

I mean please. Dont say fatal if you dont know what it means goddamnit.

and what about,
"Oh he's very healthy mashallah!"
This said about an obese little kid who adores french fries. He probably worships the Potato God or something!

Weird pakis.

-aesha m.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Bus bahi.

NOT Google. Okay. NOT GOOGLE.

Facebook, understandable.

YouTube, Don't like it, but get it. Again, DON'T LIKE IT.

Wikipedia, why? This one I don't get.

GOOGLE, WTF?!?! Why Google? Google doesn't even have any content! It just redirects sites! RIGHT?

I need Google. I Google EVERYTHING. I need this to study for tomorrow. :(

I'm hating this.

Not YouTube!

Yeah okay. Facebook I understand. Whatever. But why YouTube?? Why Wikipedia?

I'll miss Shane. And Alex.

I'm just really sad right now.

Blocking YouTube is NOT cool.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Wavin' Flag.

Coolest song ever.

If anyone does NOT like this song, then there's something seriously wrong with them. -_-

Also, I'm very tired of studying. Before the 17th I hadn't slept for more then 6 hours in three days. And where'd that get me? I felt like I was going to fall asleep during both my exams! I probably dosed off for a few minutes during history, now that I come to think of it. And on Sunday, I fell and hit my head on the stairs and had amnesia and deja vu at the same time. So I freaked out about not remembering anything for my exams, but then though what exams? haha That's not true. I copied that from somewhere. Which I no longer remember =/

I spent the first half hour during Literature trying to:
a) Stay awake
b) Get my brain to work and,
c) Pick a question to do.

I finally decided on this question which asked us to compare how the poets had explored memories in two different poems. I made a list of about 20 outta 29 poems and only three seemed to have anything to do with memories. One of who's poet I could not remember. So I chose the other poem, and tried to connect my answer to the question as best as I could. I textd my teacher what I did in the exam and she goes, 'Poetry oh oh'. Not exactly what I wanted to hear after my 3 hour history exam (or read-technically).

In history I did the Napoleon question. Everybody went, "What? Why?! Why didn't you do the Nicholas and Stalin question? We had an option for once!"

Yeah well I COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING ABOUT STALIN, SO BOO FUCKING HOO. And my Hitler question sucked too. Jab kay I did him so well.

Haye. I'm tired. I have LAW II tomorrow which I should be studying for since it's not like I did especially well in Law I. When will this end?

Friday, May 14, 2010

Nailed it.

NOT. Yeah. Didn't nail it. Epic fail.

Or not so epic..just plain fail?

Plain fail, it is.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

24 Hours.

That's how much I have left. That is IT. Bus 24 hours until my first exam. Law I. Yeah, I was up till four last night, you'd think I was studying since I have such an important exam the next day. But oops yaar. No such luck. Law I is 75% of my grade. So if I mess this up no way am I going to be able to make up in Law II. I need that A. Law was the one thing I was SURE of. Now? Not so much.

One would expect I'd study NOW. At the last hour. Yeah, still no.


Monday, May 10, 2010


It's over. Not my exams, no. But One Tree Hill with Lucas and Peyton and Scrubs with the original guys. Over. The ending of Scrubs was so corny, so cheesy so J.D. It was perfect.

So I've promised myself I'm not going to watch any episodes without Lucas and Peyton, and The Original Scrubs Cast. At least until the exams end. :)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Rude awaking.

I don't know if it can even be called that, and I certainly don't know why I'm writing about this now. Here's the thing. This Friday I went downstairs to order A around, get him to go get me some stuff. While I wait for him to come back, I usually read the paper. On that (not-so-fine) day the front cover of the metropolitan had this gory picture of a car literally under a varsity bus splattered with blood. I read the article, and remember thinking , 'oh. Sad. A's back, gonna go enjoy my lays'.

So I go back upstairs and log onto facebook and I'm bombarded with a barrage of statuses offering condolences to these two kids who used to go to my school for the 'untimely demise of their elder brother'. And this really stupid kid has uploaded a picture of the accident and tagged people in it. So there I am thinking, whattay retard. I was shocked for a couple of minutes, and really felt sorry for the two and their family. Loosing a family member can never be easy. But really. Insensitive as it sounds, that was it. A couple minutes of sympathy is all I could muster. Then.

Last night, because of a lack of anything else to do I (stalkerish as this sounds) was randomly going through A's pictures. There was this album she had where there were a ton of pictures of her with her brothers. I'd seen these pictures before and never really noticed the third guy.. I'd just always concentrated on A and Z, the kids I knew. But yesterday I couldn't help staring at him.. He was so young. He looked so... I don't know.. Alive.

There was this picture of him hugging his mom and suddenly I felt so sad. I cried for hours thinking of the pain she must have been going through. I never knew the guy and I didn't know his mom but the thought of all the hurt the anguish she must be going through made me cry well into the night. Like I said it's never easy to deal with the death of a family member but it must be so much worst to know that you'll never see your child again.

I've never talked to Z. We went to the same O level school and are now together in A levels but never once do I remember talking to him. Nor can I ever remember talking to A. I mention this because like I said before I'm not close to either of them. They're just kids I went to school with. Which is why I can not understand for the world of me, why their brother's death has affected me so much. Another guy died with him. Equally young. But again. Nothing there. It's just A and Z's family I feel sorry for. I didn't cry this much at my grandmother's funeral. Granted I wasn't all that close to her but I didn't even know this guy. I wish I could explain my feelings better. Or even understand them myself. Maybe I'm just PMSing.

I haven't written on their walls (Don't judge me. I have no other way of communicating, okay.) about how sorry I am for their loss. About how, futile as it is, I wish there were something I could do. About how I hope they'll get through this okay. About how I wish them all the best. Not because I don't care enough to, but because I really don't have the exact words to express to either of them all that I feel.

A and Z, if you guys ever read this, know that I'm very sorry. That I'm praying from your brother and hope he's at peace.

Friend-guys who read this, I know you probably got the text from school but do me a favor now and remember U in your thoughts and prayers. I hope he's granted a place in heaven.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Getting there, and another giveaway! :D

So I tried. Like really. And finished like 4 Law essay questions so far today! :D
Which is great and all, only I wish I had worked with a little more concentration. I could have done about six. I kept getting up and going to watch One Tree Hill with my sister. (Which is very awesome btw!) Anyway. I'm getting there. I think.

In other news, my new house dreams may just have been shattered. The parents are thinking of selling that and moving to Canada again. They had the same idea a couple of years ago, which obviously didn't work out for them. Anyway. I don't know. I just hope they don't sell the place and then decide they want to stay here after all. I really liked it. REALLY. It's directly opposite Sunday Bazar, the view is great, and I went and saw it a few days ago and picked out my room and everything. Again. I don't know. I'm just so tired of it all. I can't wait for university, I just want to get away from all the drama here.

On the bright side, I entered another Giveaway! So yayness! I hope I get this, though the person was all she's going to send it to where ever shipping costs the least. That's not here. The stuff sure is real nice, so I'm just going to cross my fingers and hope to get it.

Friday, May 7, 2010


The exams. EXACTLY one week till they start for me. I hate my timetable. HATE, okay. Like horrible hai. I have History with Literature, and you (if you've read the other 32456 posts about History) know what a hard time I'm having with it.

So on the

14th I have Law
17th History AND Literature
19th Law again
21st Sociology
26th Sociology AND Literature

This was after I was assured countless times that they do NOT EVER have History and Literature on the same day. Well, apparently this year they decided whattayhell.

Also, I feel my Literature exam is going to.. well as you can see.. suck. BOTH of them.

So I go, what were the stupid CIE people thinking? EVERYBODY has a History + Literature + Sociology combination. Or so I though until I decided to find out how many people I knew who were screwed with me, and whaddayaknow, NO ONE. In my school at least. They have History and Literature, and Sociology and Literature but not History, Sociology AND Literature. That's just me. Boy, do I feel special. I'm going to be suffering alone. -_-

I don't have anything going with law, but again I feel it may suck as I'm VERY unprepared. But I have no one to blame but myself. Might as well go study. Sigh. FML.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

I hate...

- How I'm always obsessing about school.
- How I never do anything other then just actually study.
- How I'm always trying to be what I think people want me to be.
- How I can't afford Holyoke.
- How I sometimes judge people.
- How I always disappoint.
- How I always seem to mess up.
- How I usually make the wrong friends.
- How when I do make the RIGHT friends, I'm never able to keep em. -_-
- How I piss people off.
- Because I do.
- How I never seem to achieve my goals.
- How I never pull through.
- How I have awful hair.
- Yes, that too.
- How I'm afraid.
- How I don't know who I am.
- How I can't decide on who I want to be.
- How there's a part of me who likes nice clothes, accessories, things with Prada and Gucci labels on them. But then there's the part whose against elitism.
- How there's a part of me who wants to make a difference. Stand up for what I believe in. Fight. But then I think it'd be easier to just give in. To get married have three kids, a nice house, a driver, a couple of maids and live The Pakistani Dream.
- How I don't think I'll be able to do this.
- Fight , I mean.
- How I feel so alone sometimes.
- How I wish somebody understood me.
- How Jaffar people labeled me a slut, because I didn't conform.
- Jaffar in general. ABHOR the place. :)
- How I wish I were a stronger person.
- How I feel helpless sometimes.
- How I have so much anger inside me.
- How unfair it is to live in a house where I'm denied of things my brother has.
- And I don't just mean freedom.
- How carelessly I spend money.
- How guilty I feel afterwards.
- How I sometimes am stupid enough to wish I were a part of One Tree Hill, or F.R.I.E.N.D.S or whatever.
- How I'm not more independent.
- How even though I love my parents, I just don't feel like we .. connect?
- How I'm stupid and immature.

I should see a shrink.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Not to be all 'emo' but..

My life sucks. It does. TRULY. Exaggeration kay without, okay.

Sunday, May 2, 2010


Ms. M would love these. Considering she was teaching us in language that one time, to (if thats's the word) analogize.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

Speaking of Ms. M reminds me of our Literature drama exam results, which we got today. Awful. Just awful. It ruiened my whole grade! I was getting an A before and now.. Well I'm getting a B now, but I'd have LIKED an A. haye.