Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Goodbye Blogger.

Hello, hello hi.

I signed in after ages today to see I had new followers, and felt unbelievably flattered honestly. Cuz you know, you guys aren't even paindo and stuff but proper blogger people and you're following me even though I haven't updated in ages.

And then I felt really really sad, because my blog's become one of THOSE blogs, the kind that just fizzle out. So this is me ending it, completely. This will be my last post for this blog.

There was a point in time when this blog meant so SO much to me. I was honestly very proud of it. Once my A level Lit teacher asked me to share it with her language students, and told me it was funny. I remember being all scared that she'd read it but also so happy that she'd liked it, seeing as how you know, she was an english teacher.

I love teachers. Specially smart, funny, inspiring teachers. I hope I get lots at university.

Anyway, so yeah. This blog started out as a way for me to vent. Light hearted complaining about life, school, feelings, friends #teenageangst!!!!, that kinda stuff. Haha it was titled 'This Blog Doesn't Have a Name Because The Author isn't Creative Enough to Come Up with One', which I thought was sooooo witty at the time. And I did, I DID come up with it all by myself even googled it to make sure no one else had anything like it, so shut up.

But I don't need to do that anymore. To complain. I need to think now. And articulately express myself. Or express articulately. So I will still blog, but elsewhere. On wordpress because it has a BlackBerry app and it's just so much easier to post there. In fact I'm typing this out on wordpress.

And anonymously. Because it really is better that way.

I've become the kind of person everyone hates because I don't just shut up and nod anymore. I used to a little bit, in order to spare people's feelings but I just don't want to anymore. Maybe I'll become one of those people that sit in a corner by themselves because they're just so so tired of tip toeing around people, thinking of what's the right thing to say and what isn't. What should be censored and what should be said.

I told my khala today that she was a bad teacher, that I hated teachers like her because they treat education like a dhanda, a business, instead of what it really should be. A chance to influence and inspire bright young minds. I'm sure I hurt her feelings, and later my mum told me that there are some opinions I need to keep to myself.

But that's exactly what I'm so tired of doing. Of keeping it bottled up. Of always trying to spare other people's feelings. I don't see why I should, really. You don't care about mine why do you expect me to give your feelings such importance?

I've applied to LUMS. I kept saying last year that I didn't want to go there, but this year I really really do. It's the only Get Out of Jail card I have and I would love to play it right about now. I might not get in, I'm aware of that, but that's okay.

Applying to LUMS turned out to be one if the best things to ever happen to me, because I met one of the bestest, smartest, wittiest, most brilliant people ever because of LCAT prep. Sometimes I think A knows me better than I know myself, and I'm so very grateful for that. For having someone who's always able to talk sense into me. We were talking about deep shizz once and she told me to stop being so hard on myself, to give myself more credit, that she was proud of me and that she'd appreciate it if I would stop with the pity-parade because I had so much to be grateful for.

There were tears.

Pathetic as this sounds, no one's ever told me they were proud of me. I don't mean this in a aww-my-lyf-suxx way, just in a matter of fact way. I'm sure the parents waigera have felt it, maybe, but no one's actually SAID it and it just, meant so much.

I go to Karachi University once a week or so. My dad insists I go more often, but it's just so far away from everything and so inconvenient. I went just to learn Italian pehlay, but I got bored then and so stopped.
I do this thing, whenever I want to judge people, I tell myself that if I had their past and their consciousness I'd behave exactly as they do. It works sometimes, others not so much. But hey I try right? Credit where credit's due.

I dread birthdays now. I still have plenty of time till my next one but I still wish it was further away. Maybe that's what it means to grow up, dread growing older.

If you're very bored and need to be entertained I suggest you read Georgia Nicholson's Diaries. They're hilarious. I've quite literally laughed like a loon on loon tablets in loonville while reading them.

Also also, if you have any idea where I can get sunglasses like these:



Anywhere in Houston or Karachi please please plzz let me know.

Maybe when I get a admishun deschun I'll write one very very final post about it, seeing as how most of last year all my blog was, was about getting into university.

And that is all. This is probably the longest post I've ever written ( I can't tell since I'm typing in out on my phone ;( ) and I can safely say that I've found my lux. Well, almost. It's there, I don't have it, but I can see it now.

Thank you all for being such an important part of my life. I've appreciated your comments, criticism and at times praise more than I've ever expressed.

Thank you for reading this.

-Saaleha